Home > Interviewing Red

Interviewing Red

Over the last few months while recovering at Croup Manor, a steady stream of curious travelers and would-be journalists have come to ask questions of Red and Nick. Red's always happy to answer, sometimes with a few comments from Nick here and there (Nick declines all requests for interviews that are directed squarely at him, but he also can't resist putting a word in.)

Here are those questions, and Red's answers.

biiigwinged's interview

What is your grooming routine?

"Oh, glad you asked." Red leans close and you can smell that he smells... good? Not cologne, exactly; that doesn't exist anymore. But some kind of musky, androgynous blend of essential oils maybe. "I've always been a pretty clean guy. Obviously I can't be that meticulous out here, but I know how to cut my own hair pretty damn well, and I actually bathe. That goes a long way."

"He does bathe," Nick confirms, looking at Red rather soppily.

"In fact, you'll be able to read all about it in my new book I'm working on," Red continues.

"No," Nick says, with a groan. "Not the book."

"It's called Wasteland Slut: A Diary of Tips, Tricks and -- Nick, where are you going?" Nick has thrown up a hand and walked away.

Red turns back. "OK, there's no book," He whispers. "But I'm making him think there is for as long as I can. It's just too fun not to."

Sweetjane's interview

Q: Are you a scavver who picks up everything (much to the annoyance of almost everyone)?

"Fuck no. If it's not useful to me in the next" -Red makes a gesture as if checking his Pip-Boy- "forty-eight hours, I'm not carrying it around. Unlike some of the hoarders you come across out here."

Nick: "It really is an affliction with some of these people."

Red: "I wouldn't mind having a few Buttercups though, just to tinker with, now that I've seen Arlen's collection. Maybe a few of those pre-war model cars too... or Jangles! Did you know there's a promotional Nuka-Cola Jangles? Come to think of it, I might want to start a little collection of those red rockets..."

Nick, rolling his eyes: "Christ almighty."

"Um, You can have one of mine if you'd like." Sweetjane rifles through her pack for one of the red rockets. "I didn't know about the Nuka-cola promo Jangles. I'll keep an eye out!"

"Hey, thanks!" Red tucks the red rocket toy into his pack. "You're a sweetheart. I guess it's all in the name, huh?"

Q: What pre-war thing do you miss the most?

"Just-- mmph. Diner food. You know, greasy fries, crispy salads with those little tomatoes, burgers, ice-cream cones. And absolutely none of it made out of anything with two heads."

Sweetjane: "That sounds so good! I don't eat a lot of meat but I wish I could have tried one of those burgers simply from your description. Did you ever have Astronaught food? If there's one thing I would have like to have tried is astronaught food. I think... Unless it was gross."

Q: What are your hobbies?

"Well, that's assuming I have time for hobbies. There's a lot goes into looking out for the Commonwealth."

Nick: "Oh, you've got time. They know well as I do that Ronnie and Preston handle the day-to-day. You have time."

"Well... I like puttering around with machines, if you couldn't tell. I'd love to have something really great to work on, like a motorbike. If I can ever find one."

Sweetjane pauses for a moment, wondering if she should ask, then deciding to anyway, drawing circles in dirt with her shoe out of nervousness. "I fixed a Lone Wanderer up. If you'd like to tinker on that it's fine."

The offer to work on the Lone Wanderer absolutely floors him. "I can't believe-- really? I'd love just to look at it. I've never seen one out here that wasn't rusted to hell. I had one for a year before Shaun was born-- did I ever tell you that, Nick?"

"Would've liked to have seen you on that thing."

"Well, maybe you still can."

Q: What are your favorite and least favorite foods?

"OK, let's start with the bun. Big, fresh-baked, nice crust on it. I'm not averse to a pretzel bun-- did you ever try one of those, Nick?"

"Never had the pleasure."

"Well, anyway, on that bun you have a thick juicy burger. Not a brahmin burger, just a good old-fashioned cow. On top of that you've got four strips of sizzling bacon.

"Extra pickles, iceberg lettuce, grilled sweet onions, tomatoes. Stick one of those little stakes through the top, 'cause God knows you'll need it to hold the thing together.

"Finish it off with a heap of seasoned fries and a tall glass of Nuka-Cola Wild. That's the perfect meal."

Nick: "And least favorites?"

"You ever heard of Weetabix? That shit should have been illegal. Dry-ass fiber cake. There's probably still a stash of it around somewhere from before the war. Maybe a whole warehouse, packed to the gills. Would probably make a good firestarter."

Nick: "Now, there's a thought. Always did like Weetabix. Think they really had a distributor somewhere in the Commonwealth?"

"You don't have a stomach, and I am not going to watch you crunch that dried turf product up and spit it out again. I will divorce you."

darling-leech's interview

What’s the easiest way to flirt with you?

”I’m not exactly shy, if you haven’t heard. I can’t think of much that wouldn’t work on me. Hell, smack my ass while you’re passing by, I’ll get the message.”

Nick: “He considers slut to be a term of endearment.”

“That said, I’m a busy man and the main slot for romance in my life is pretty much taken. If you’re looking for something more serious, that’s a longer conversation.”

What would you consider your main love language?

"If I can help somebody in a real way, that means I'm useful here. In the Wasteland, kind words don't hold a candle to food or water or shelter. Just to be realistic, you know. When the Minutemen help settlements, it's always something real, or if it's words then we know we have to back it up with something real eventually. Else it doesn't mean shit.

And people have a very highly tuned meter for bullshit out here. You can't get away with just saying you're on somebody's side, you have to show it. My whole purpose with the Minutemen is to put us in a position to start keeping our word again. It's hard work.

That said, when it comes to people I'm really close to--" Red looks at Nick affectionately. "It's just the time we spend together that matters. Everything else is background radiation."

Nukadisaster's interview

Who makes up your family? How close are you to them?

"I think if you'd asked me a few months ago I would have said the Minutemen, or even the Railroad, but I probably wouldn't have really meant it.

"This--" He gestures to the ghouls working the gardens at Croup. These people, and Nick. They're my family--" Red starts tearing up, not for the first time today.

Nick: "Hey, it's okay."

"Anyway. I hope that answered your question."

Void The Wanderer's interview

What do you think had the biggest impact on you growing up?

"God, guns, and government... that was what was supposed to have the biggest impact on me growing up. And I guess it did, in a way. Plus heterosexuality, which was supposed to be part of all of those somehow.

I honestly didn't know life was something that anybody really liked. I thought it was something you had to complete properly, like a chore. Everybody always talked about duty: This is a duty, that's a duty. Marrying a woman is your duty. So it all kind of made sense to me: Nobody likes this stuff, but it's our duty, and we just have to get through it.

My second biggest influence was James Dean. Particularly in that scene in East of Eden when he had his shirt open."

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? (on vacation or permanently!)

"Nick and I were thinking of going up north for our honeymoon. They've done interesting things with settlement networks in Quebec, I've heard.

And Nick works better out of the heat, right, old man? I intend to get a lot of mileage of him on our trip, if you know what I mean."

"Stop it."

"By which I mean, we intend to do a lot of sightseeing."

"Oh. Right, that's what I meant too."

"Of my ass."